Let us talk about that wall that is only two feet away. It towers above all and there seems to be no way around it. We often run into it as writers. This wall though it is only mental. It’s got a name and that name is Writer’s Block. What are we supposed to write when that giant wall towers in front of us. We can’t see all those good ideas just out of reach. Often we sit still and do nothing. Keeping to the assumption that it will go away. It does actually but not soon. And it definitely won’t go away in time for you to reach that due date. I’ve been told many times you got to ignore that wall and persevere. See if you keep walking forward eventually the wall will dissolve, but if you wait for it to go away on its own you’ll end up stuck. For the wall isn’t done after one try. It always comes back. You can’t give up when it blocks your path because there is no way of avoiding it. Just keep writing. Sometimes what you write during this time your writing will be absolutely terrible, but you got to remember you can go back and fix things. What you can’t do is go back and take that time you wasted.
I’m such a hypocrite though. It’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve worked on my book. I keep saying I’ll do it tomorrow. You’ll feel like doing it tomorrow Mavry. That’s not how it works Mavry. If I don’t persevere I’m never gonna finish this book. I’m just as human as everyone else. I’m just as stuck as everyone else. I’m not one to preach about writing during times in which a wall blocks your path. My only redeeming factor is that I can keep these blog posts semi consistent. I’m
Early in the morning
the bird sings
to all the lost bees in the tress
and early in the morning
the child awakes
for there and then they must frolick
and early in the morning
the mother rests
unless of course the child is restless
and early in the morning
the sea breeze
picks up and blows us all away
and early in the morning
the world awakes
to the start of the working day
and early in the morning
the person screams
and awakes all who weren’t awake
and early in the morning
the police arrive
and find the dead body of Mr. Fry
and early in the morning
the stench of blood
haunts Mabel Road till the dawn of time
because early in the morning
Mr. Fry had died
with his son viewing him as unfit
because one late afternoon
Mr. Fry was sitting
And he looked at his son with hatred
for earlier that morning
the son had told
his father that he found a man.
Yet despite what you may have thought
the son did not kill Mr. Fry
Mr. Fry fell down his stairs
and landed brutally on the bottom
his son was at the door
for Mr. Fry had finally accepted his son
what a terrible story
for what could have been a real apology.
As humans do we ever notice the impression we live with every step in our life. About all the lives we are changing be mearly existing. Even those of us who hide in the corner, practically invisible, are making a difference. By them occupying the corner someone else can’t. They are forcing someone else to try to be social. Each step we take effects someone else’s life. Turned to quickly walking down the hallway someone stops suddenly not to run into you and then ends up being late to class because of you. Missing the first half of class to get a pass. You just made it so someone lost a small amount of knowledge. You didn’t think about that did you?
I'm not patient
I'm not calm
I feel like I'm ready one second
and then the next I feel completely unprepared
I want to tell the entire world
but then realize I shouldn't
if it wasn't for that gut sense of dread
I would have told so many things
I often judge my actions on that gut sense
I know I shouldn't do something
when my insides want to tear me apart
that wouldn't be a good idea
In this world each individual believes in the perfect world. Where all their problems are washed away and it’s perfect. No one will ever truly achieve their perfect world because to get there requires problems and since in a perfect world there is no problems there is no perfect world. That doesn’t mean we can’t work to achieve it. We can’t work for everything we need. There is a chance that someday we achieve a world. Where no one has to suffer nearly as much. A world where equal rights are real and people don’t even talk about them. A world where poverty has been abolished and everyone has a place to live, big enough for their family. In this world, Earth will start colonizing on different planets. We’ll adventure out into the stars and find distant planets in which we can thrive. This world won’t be perfect. It will be pretty close though. There will still be death and disease, but we are working to stop disease. We accepted that death is meant to be. For without death people will keep on living and overpopulate every planet we live on. This world may not be perfect, but it sure does sound like a world I would like to live in.
I’m speaking to you guys today with no intention of you hearing my voice. You read these words as you, not knowing who is behind them. I’m an invisible force that tells you how I think. You might not care what you think. You might view my opinions as amusing. I don’t really know what to say today. I want to talk about metaphors, but that is relatively boring. So why am I talking to you guys today, because I told you I would. I set days of the week. Monday and Wednesday I need to be consist don’t I. I’m sorry about this pointless post today.
Remember to stop pushing people. Stop pushing and pulling people to goals they don’t want. You’re hurting them you know that right. Your pushing and pulling is intoxicating. You’re poisoning them with your whims and not allowing them to develop their own. I doubt you mean too, you probably don’t know what you’re doing. I know I know some people require the push, but there is a point where a push is just you throwing them off a cliff. There is a better way. Don’t push just talk. Find out what they want appreciate their wishes. Maybe give them advice, help them out. Just don’t push, don’t throw them off a cliff.
I don't particularly know what to say today. I used up all of my creative juices last week. I often wonder what's up with these quick bursts of energy why can't I constantly feel inspired. I don't like sporadic stuff. It makes me feel unbalanced and off in general. Yeah that's all I got.
Life is weird. Why are we brought into a world in which we are given a short time span to live 80 or so years and then killed? What is the purpose. We believe each individual life has meaning and it does. For why else would we be here. Yet we will never know what our meaning is. We might guess what it is. We might work hard to find out what we want it to be, but we never will really know. And I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not. Then I come to this thought of how our actions now can affect the future. I often change my opinion on this matter. At one point in time I believed we had no free will and everything we do now is already written down somewhere. But we do have free will. In a sense. My most recent conclusion to this big question is as follows. We have free will to an extent. We can do whatever we please in the present, but the future is set in stone. This is one of the more common beliefs over free will. Yet if you ask Matilda, she will tell you that we have total control over our future. Which I find cool. I’m not going to dismiss her idea because the idea is pleasant. I would like to believe it, but I just can’t. What do you believe?
Guess what?! I’m posting every day till next Saturday, September 8th.
I’ve reached a point again in which I have to let everything I know go. I’m more inspired then I have been for a while and I want to take advantage of it. I spent the last week spending all my free time working on my book. I had wanted to reorganize so many of the details for so long and I finally got to it. I felt happy while doing it. I wasn’t forcing myself I was seriously having fun making obsessively detailed tables. I was told to design this poster and I had a genuine idea. Something about this time of the year revitalizes you. It doesn’t honestly make sense does it. Starting school again shouldn’t make you feel so inspired. School is supposed to make you feel dragged down, but that isn’t how it is for me. During the summer I am so bored out of my mind, that I just don’t want to do anything. Sure my posts are more inconsistent during school, but that’s because I’m doing other things that I never felt like doing before. Now this blog has been added to the things I genuinely want to do. I started this originally to prove to myself I’m good at this. Now I see that. I see that what I am doing here is actually doing something. I notice people coming back and more coming in. So yeah I want to keep doing this. I want to keep writing. I want to be famous and still have this blog. I like this blog because it’s personal. I don’t have to worry about people judging me for what I’m saying. I’m completely anonymous here. Someday I hope that I’ll see people I know reading this blog, without a clue that it is me. I think this is one of the first posts I have written that has remained on the same topic the entire time.
We are conquering
We are surviving
Their words mean nothing
We have prevailed.
This is our future
We finally have one
We know we are strong
Because we lived.
There once was no hope
No place for our lives
We were thrown around
It was so tough.
We prevailed through it
We pushed past their walls
We told them no way
Our lives matter too.
Remember this child
Your parents fought hard
So you can be you
We fought for you.
We’re all stuck in this loop. It spins and spins and some jump out only to vomit up all they’ve collected. Everyone’s stomach is spinning and the pain is unbearable. We don’t know when it’s going to stop. I just hope that I make it out someday. Maybe there is a future beyond the spinning circle, but we aren’t allowed to know that. I know many people have probably told you to hold onto hope, it eventually will get better, but how are we supposed to believe them? These are the same people telling us that what we are is just a phase. These people just don’t seem to get it. They don’t get that even though their fight is over our fight is just beginning. We still need to stand up and fight in our revolution. We need to fight for our right to marry. Our right to go into the bathroom of our gender. We’re fighting for everything we can and refusing to live off the scraps they’re giving us. We’re fighting for those kids who are still killed. Who’s parents throw them out onto the street. We’re fighting for those who have gone through unbearable pain just for our rights. We know we might not be the end of this. We aren’t even the beginning. We all believe that it isn’t too much to want this to happen in our life times. I hope that you get that. We aren’t fighting because it’s just a phase. We’re fighting because this is our life and we don’t want anyone telling us anything else.
I am someone who tumbles and falls and doesn’t stand up. Someone once told me to stop looking at the bottoms of my feet and crying and I was severely confused. For I am not that flexible and would never cry in such an uncomfortable position. That same person used to be my best friend. I don’t understand my past or the decisions I made. I often question how small my brain was to fall for such tricks. I now wonder what I will think of myself in the future looking back at what my friends from now did to me. I know this is short, but I have nothing else to say. Just remember you’re choices are what makes or breaks your inevitable future.
We live in a world were success in mandatory. Without success we are seen as trash and thrown in the barrel and burnt to a crisp. We try so hard to impress our peers that we make ourselves into walking pieces of plastic or we cram our heads with useless facts. You’re either smart or your pretty if you’re anything else you’re useless. People who are creative sometimes get credit, but never the new up and coming ones. I don’t expect to get a famous publisher to want to publish my stories. Or an agent to either consider being my agent. I’m young and I’m dumb. To them I’m easily manipulated out of my share. I’m honestly scared to go out and search for an agent because I’m afraid of what they might do. I’m afraid they’ll want half the ownership of my book or more. I don’t want to lose the rights to my brain children. I want them to be mine. I’m scared that an agent will tell me my writing is trash and incenerate my career just like that. I’m scared of so many things, but overall I’m scared of success.
Hello! Today I have something very special in store for you guys. I’m joined by my good friend Sophie from Sparkle News. We will both be doing a post on each other’s blogs. On my blog you will see soon we both did a piece on power. On her blog you’ll find a piece on a country or countries we’d like to visit. I will link her blog at the end of this post so you can check out her blog and my post on there.
Here is Sophie’s piece:
Due to unforeseen circumstances Sophie’s piece will not be going up. You can still check it her blog to see the piece I did on there with her.
I greatly apologize.
Now here is my piece:
It doesn’t take much for me as a person to go from feeling all powerful and the best in the world to a complete and total loser. A few words that meant well are often taken completely wrong. Constructive criticism often feels like an excuse to make fun of someone. In this world, I feel so freaking powerless. When I was younger I would burst into tears randomly. These outbursts always led to so many people asking me if I was okay. Of course, I wasn’t okay, someone that’s okay doesn’t start crying for no reason. Eventually, I learned to control my emotions. I can tell when I’m about to cry by a tingling in the bridge of my nose. I open my eyes wide and avoid what was causing me pain.
I seemed to have gained some sort of power over my emotions. Of course, the power I felt was just an illusion because late at night I’d break into tears and be scared to close my eyes because of the monsters that haunted my mind. Still to this day when I try to sleep I have to try as hard as I can to keep my mind blank otherwise gruesome and horrifying images show themselves to me.
I feel powerless when I’m walking for I have this unexplainable urge to be in front and walk fast. I start freaking out if someone who walks fairly slow gets in front of me. I’m powerless when it comes to these feelings, they control me. I become irritable and most people can’t stand me during these times.
Most of my life makes me feel powerless. I don’t know what to do when I freak out I let my emotions control me and I lash out at people I care for. I find that the only thing I really have power over is my writing. I can control this keyboard and the pen in my hand.