Mavry Potts
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I don't particularly know what to say today. I used up all of my creative juices last week. I often wonder what's up with these quick bursts of energy why can't I constantly feel inspired. I don't like sporadic stuff. It makes me feel unbalanced and off in general. Yeah that's all I got.
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I want to write
about one thing but I don't want what I say to escape I want to remain singing the bird on the top of the mountain as long as I keep singing their perfect little song I won't tilt the cage of course I don't know this for sure I've just assumed so no one ever told me different what happens when I sing a different tune? when I put my own interpretation on the vanilla song will it be better? most people like vanilla ice cream with toppings so why do I have to sing such a bland song verse by verse I continue on I hear every other bird singing in the same choir then I hear it a harmony someone broke the chorus they left it and they continue singing they didn't fall I sing one note off then another suddenly I'm singing a totally a different song and I'm better than I had ever been even if I were to fall this would be the best part of my dreary life. Life is weird. Why are we brought into a world in which we are given a short time span to live 80 or so years and then killed? What is the purpose. We believe each individual life has meaning and it does. For why else would we be here. Yet we will never know what our meaning is. We might guess what it is. We might work hard to find out what we want it to be, but we never will really know. And I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not. Then I come to this thought of how our actions now can affect the future. I often change my opinion on this matter. At one point in time I believed we had no free will and everything we do now is already written down somewhere. But we do have free will. In a sense. My most recent conclusion to this big question is as follows. We have free will to an extent. We can do whatever we please in the present, but the future is set in stone. This is one of the more common beliefs over free will. Yet if you ask Matilda, she will tell you that we have total control over our future. Which I find cool. I’m not going to dismiss her idea because the idea is pleasant. I would like to believe it, but I just can’t. What do you believe?
Rhythm moving
On and off over again Moving along We are all on and off. Moving forward There is nothing else here Just our rhythm And the beat in our heads. Keep surviving With this rhythm of pain Follow it now Four six four six repeat. Keep on singing Tapping your foot to it Just keep moving The rhythm will save you. You got it now You’re living the rhythm We all are now The rhythm beats stronger. Above the screams It’s louder than the pain We all sing loud We’re surviving with noise. So in the past I did a survey in which I asked people what their opinion on makeup was. Now that it has been some time I realize where I went wrong on my survey. So I present to you the new updated version:
I’m trying, I’m really trying.
there is a time to hold on and there is a time to let go And sometimes you can’t tell what time today is so you stand holding on when you’re meant to let go and it’s in those monents you learn the most because in those moments you see all the other people who held on and you realize you’re not alone it just seems that way sometimes no one is alone and even with antisocial tendencies no one wants to be alone so yeah so maybe this optimistic pessimist still has a chance to safe the world. Well I’m a few minutes past my deadline...
there is a future for those who are stranded they are castaways in a world of islands we all adventure get on the boats that come to our shores but some boat never make it to their destination we get stuck in the journey for sometimes the journey is better than the destination that’s what all the quotes say but I don’t believe them this journey is pointless they told me I have to take this boat but the one I could have waited for would have been so much better but the destination of this boat is the one that really matters. Guess what?! I’m posting every day till next Saturday, September 8th.
I’ve reached a point again in which I have to let everything I know go. I’m more inspired then I have been for a while and I want to take advantage of it. I spent the last week spending all my free time working on my book. I had wanted to reorganize so many of the details for so long and I finally got to it. I felt happy while doing it. I wasn’t forcing myself I was seriously having fun making obsessively detailed tables. I was told to design this poster and I had a genuine idea. Something about this time of the year revitalizes you. It doesn’t honestly make sense does it. Starting school again shouldn’t make you feel so inspired. School is supposed to make you feel dragged down, but that isn’t how it is for me. During the summer I am so bored out of my mind, that I just don’t want to do anything. Sure my posts are more inconsistent during school, but that’s because I’m doing other things that I never felt like doing before. Now this blog has been added to the things I genuinely want to do. I started this originally to prove to myself I’m good at this. Now I see that. I see that what I am doing here is actually doing something. I notice people coming back and more coming in. So yeah I want to keep doing this. I want to keep writing. I want to be famous and still have this blog. I like this blog because it’s personal. I don’t have to worry about people judging me for what I’m saying. I’m completely anonymous here. Someday I hope that I’ll see people I know reading this blog, without a clue that it is me. I think this is one of the first posts I have written that has remained on the same topic the entire time. We are conquering
We are surviving Their words mean nothing We have prevailed. This is our future We finally have one We know we are strong Because we lived. There once was no hope No place for our lives We were thrown around It was so tough. We prevailed through it We pushed past their walls We told them no way Our lives matter too. Remember this child Your parents fought hard So you can be you We fought for you. We’re all stuck in this loop. It spins and spins and some jump out only to vomit up all they’ve collected. Everyone’s stomach is spinning and the pain is unbearable. We don’t know when it’s going to stop. I just hope that I make it out someday. Maybe there is a future beyond the spinning circle, but we aren’t allowed to know that. I know many people have probably told you to hold onto hope, it eventually will get better, but how are we supposed to believe them? These are the same people telling us that what we are is just a phase. These people just don’t seem to get it. They don’t get that even though their fight is over our fight is just beginning. We still need to stand up and fight in our revolution. We need to fight for our right to marry. Our right to go into the bathroom of our gender. We’re fighting for everything we can and refusing to live off the scraps they’re giving us. We’re fighting for those kids who are still killed. Who’s parents throw them out onto the street. We’re fighting for those who have gone through unbearable pain just for our rights. We know we might not be the end of this. We aren’t even the beginning. We all believe that it isn’t too much to want this to happen in our life times. I hope that you get that. We aren’t fighting because it’s just a phase. We’re fighting because this is our life and we don’t want anyone telling us anything else.
I am someone who tumbles and falls and doesn’t stand up. Someone once told me to stop looking at the bottoms of my feet and crying and I was severely confused. For I am not that flexible and would never cry in such an uncomfortable position. That same person used to be my best friend. I don’t understand my past or the decisions I made. I often question how small my brain was to fall for such tricks. I now wonder what I will think of myself in the future looking back at what my friends from now did to me. I know this is short, but I have nothing else to say. Just remember you’re choices are what makes or breaks your inevitable future.
you can survive
and not live and no one can tell you different because surviving is not living surviving is doing something to change you don't have to live to change you change by helping and sometimes that means dying surviving is running into a burning building to save fiver orphans no one would miss surviving is standing on the battlefield and taking all the bullets so your country wins the war surviving is so many things beside living and that's the beauty of it. We live in a world were success in mandatory. Without success we are seen as trash and thrown in the barrel and burnt to a crisp. We try so hard to impress our peers that we make ourselves into walking pieces of plastic or we cram our heads with useless facts. You’re either smart or your pretty if you’re anything else you’re useless. People who are creative sometimes get credit, but never the new up and coming ones. I don’t expect to get a famous publisher to want to publish my stories. Or an agent to either consider being my agent. I’m young and I’m dumb. To them I’m easily manipulated out of my share. I’m honestly scared to go out and search for an agent because I’m afraid of what they might do. I’m afraid they’ll want half the ownership of my book or more. I don’t want to lose the rights to my brain children. I want them to be mine. I’m scared that an agent will tell me my writing is trash and incenerate my career just like that. I’m scared of so many things, but overall I’m scared of success.
Hello! Today I have something very special in store for you guys. I’m joined by my good friend Sophie from Sparkle News. We will both be doing a post on each other’s blogs. On my blog you will see soon we both did a piece on power. On her blog you’ll find a piece on a country or countries we’d like to visit. I will link her blog at the end of this post so you can check out her blog and my post on there.
Here is Sophie’s piece: Due to unforeseen circumstances Sophie’s piece will not be going up. You can still check it her blog to see the piece I did on there with her. I greatly apologize. Now here is my piece: It doesn’t take much for me as a person to go from feeling all powerful and the best in the world to a complete and total loser. A few words that meant well are often taken completely wrong. Constructive criticism often feels like an excuse to make fun of someone. In this world, I feel so freaking powerless. When I was younger I would burst into tears randomly. These outbursts always led to so many people asking me if I was okay. Of course, I wasn’t okay, someone that’s okay doesn’t start crying for no reason. Eventually, I learned to control my emotions. I can tell when I’m about to cry by a tingling in the bridge of my nose. I open my eyes wide and avoid what was causing me pain. I seemed to have gained some sort of power over my emotions. Of course, the power I felt was just an illusion because late at night I’d break into tears and be scared to close my eyes because of the monsters that haunted my mind. Still to this day when I try to sleep I have to try as hard as I can to keep my mind blank otherwise gruesome and horrifying images show themselves to me. I feel powerless when I’m walking for I have this unexplainable urge to be in front and walk fast. I start freaking out if someone who walks fairly slow gets in front of me. I’m powerless when it comes to these feelings, they control me. I become irritable and most people can’t stand me during these times. Most of my life makes me feel powerless. I don’t know what to do when I freak out I let my emotions control me and I lash out at people I care for. I find that the only thing I really have power over is my writing. I can control this keyboard and the pen in my hand. Hold it close
let it go you can fly but not with it it’s a weight it’s pulling you down they’re pulling you down shake them off The aren’t what they say they are they aren’t friends they’re your competition and they’re winning shake them off they’re parasites if you turn the corner you’ll see those who bring you up not pull you down they exist I promise you just turn right on Faith St. then take a left on Hope Dr. this isn’t a dead end unlike the path you were on there is always a new place to go there is no dead end on this road for if you see one you just turn down a different street here failure is a small setback your real friends will build you up and pull you out of that pothole and maybe someday you’ll all learn to fly and leave this sorry world behind you’re worth it. |
Mavry PottsPosts every Monday and/or Wednesday Archives
December 2017
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