Mavry Potts
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There is beauty
In life In people In everything Yet then we cloud it We blur it We let others believe they’re ugly We don’t help those Whose brain is working against them We tell them it’s a choice. Then we deal with our own monsters Telling ourselves It is a choice That we don’t need help That we can defeat the monsters On our own. We tell them it’s a choice Because we are telling ourselves The same thing. Our anxiety is because we didn’t prepare. Our depression is just today. Our flashbacks Are because we have a good memory. Those voices Are because society is pressuring us. And that’s true Yes But maybe Just possibly There is something else at play Maybe we should ask for help Tell others to ask for help Because we aren’t that different We didn’t make the choice To feel like this. And yeah it’s not entirely up to us To ask for help Yet that one day When you’re feeling a little better Take advantage. Speak up. Because one voice Sparks millions of fires Bring millions into the light To realize that they aren’t alone. If you’re in the public eye. Or you’re just sitting in a corner. Maybe that one day You feel a little better Tell someone. Because life is not meant to end At our own hands. It might feel like it is But I can promise you it isn’t.
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I feel it too often
An overpowering feeling Whenever I feel off Or uncomfortable My brain resets. I wish I didn't feel it I wish I could control it Because it hurts me I wouldn't want anyone to know That I feel it. It's embarrassing It's something I shouldn't feel Something I should have controlled I can't be a bad example I must be pure. Yet sometimes I want to kiss someone Someone I barely know Just someone No reasonable reason. I want to feel what it's like To have someone's lips Pressed against mine I've never had the chance And I want it. I want to know why Why people want it Why people want someone by their side and maybe I want someone by my side too. Yet I told them I didn't want that I told them I wanted to be alone And they didn't disagree. They told me That they do not believe in marriage Between a man and a man A woman and a woman And I died inside. So I never told them The truth Never told them I wanted to get married Too. So I must resist it When I want to kiss someone When I want to be kissed Because I don't lie I cannot lie. I question everything
Like what she would think If she found this Would she know That it was about her Would she think me insane Would she not care Would she love it Would she think less of me Would she think more of me Would this change anything I do this to keep calm I know it will be okay If I can keep writing Is the world really over Was my chance blown I don’t believe I friend-zoned myself I tried to avoid that I just put myself in that section The one where You put everyone You don’t know about I made sure I was an unknown variable A background character Who becomes a main character Someone everyone wonders Who are they? What is their purpose? I want to serve a purpose I want to sweep her off her feet To be there Whenever I want to be the hero Or just there I want to be somewhere to feel safe I want to be safety Is that too much to ask? Am I just dreaming up fantasies? I have no future Do I? I can not be there for her If she won’t even talk to me That is a problem I’m just a background character I won’t be remembered. I’m still stuck
Still stuck Trapped waiting for her Why doesn’t she recognize me I just want a response That’s all I’m requesting Is that too much? I don't get this world It doesn't make sense Everything I do Comes back to me Why doesn't anyone realize I'm helpless I can't defend myself From the walls I've built They're closing in I'm expanding Eventually we'll collide It's inevitable A persistent fear And I'm terrified. Breatheeee
Breathee You got this Stuck in a loop An endless loop You won’t let it continue Got to stop it now Because it does get worse And that is normal You had to let it Short spurts of happiness Long lengths of sadness It is worth it I promise The short spurts The feeling might not last But they feel good They make you feel good They make your happiness explode They make you happy That is their purpose So let the sadness last Eventually it will end Someday Someday there will be a long time period In which You Will be happy For a long long time In this time there will be short spurts Of sadness Pain Anger These are good These are expected You can’t collapse during these You have to remember The long period of sadness That preceded all of this You can deal with short spurts If you remember It will get better If you work at it Till then you have to deal with the sadness You have to deal with the long lengths Where you question why you’re doing this You will have your happiness And that you must never forget. Am I getting better
I feel as if I’m not You’re dragging me under. There is no where for me to go I’m stuck in your knots Why are you still here? You won’t respond I’m rooted to this spot I can’t proceed in this journey. I just need a response To release me from these roots All entangled around me. But you don’t know that You can’t here my riot My battle cries were muted. I’m stuck rhyming Hoping this will help my shot But all it does is cause me pain. You said you’d help me That’s what I bought But they were empty words. Yet I know The words I jot Are make believe. The only problem is the one That got caught Me. I’m only supposed to post once a day
But I cannot sit around While my emotions play They’re tearing me apart Why is this happening to me The last time I felt this way It was over a boy I shouldn’t talk to my crushes I should have learned my lesson Don’t try to be friends with them It causes me pain Because I’m faking it I still have seven hours left Before I turn it back on again What if she didn’t see my story What if she responded What if she is freaking out Why am I freaking out? Calm down Mavry It will be okay She probably has a forgotten about you You’re just a random girl That she’s barely seen in life She doesn’t know who you are And I doubt she cares You’re freaking out for no reason You’re the one with the crush She’s just some girl That’s three hours away. I just went dark because of this girl
I’m stressing out so much That I didn’t trust myself Every single thought Was devoted to one thing Checking if she had seen my message And my brain wanted to know When she’d reply This is obsessive Is this how some people feel all the time Like they’re constantly trying To gain approval From someone who doesn’t know They need to give approval It makes me feel terrible My stomach is knotting up And I’m hot so hot I woke up early without a hitch And grabbed my phone to check it But I went dark Deleted all the apps To keep me from trying From doing something stupid Why does a beautiful girl do this Why does she turn my brain to mush Why can’t I control this And she doesn’t know That’s the worst part She doesn’t know that I think of her this way She sees me as just some girl Asking for tips Because I was too scared to say You’re cute Maybe if I had the guts I could say it right now But I went dark And I definitely do not have the guts So that’s it. I don’t care what she says
Or if she didn’t even reply I’ll be fine She doesn’t matter Brains over beauty Brains over beauty My heart is not agreeing
With the words my hands are typing And I want to tell you How I feel But anxiety is taking over You’re scaring I promise My brain will not comprehend What is going on I sent a message You responded I sent another You did not I freaked out Stopped listening to logic And sent one more An hour ago You have yet to respond My brain doesn’t know what to do Your cuteness is causing me pain I don’t suddenly care about the Three hour drive Because all I want is to talk to you But what if you aren’t single What if you’re straight What if my brain is lying And this is all a cruel trick And I’m confused So confused By this mess inside my head You’re beauty is causing me problems Too many problems And because of it I accidentally came out To everyone Because I want to kiss you I want to hug you I want to be there for you And I barely know you I have a problem It’s clear as day And that problem just happens To be three hours away. Escape is part of life
Falling out of a cage Maybe gracefully Maybe crashing like a meteor There is no way to tell How you might fall out The people who seem the most clumsy May fall out with grace While the dancers and gymnasts May fall flat on their face However you may land You must have the courage to see That everyone is different And that everyone falls out Maybe not immediately It happens to all But never the same. Early in the morning
the bird sings to all the lost bees in the tress and early in the morning the child awakes for there and then they must frolick and early in the morning the mother rests unless of course the child is restless and early in the morning the sea breeze picks up and blows us all away and early in the morning the world awakes to the start of the working day and early in the morning the person screams and awakes all who weren’t awake and early in the morning the police arrive and find the dead body of Mr. Fry and early in the morning the stench of blood haunts Mabel Road till the dawn of time because early in the morning Mr. Fry had died with his son viewing him as unfit because one late afternoon Mr. Fry was sitting And he looked at his son with hatred for earlier that morning the son had told his father that he found a man. Yet despite what you may have thought the son did not kill Mr. Fry Mr. Fry fell down his stairs and landed brutally on the bottom his son was at the door for Mr. Fry had finally accepted his son what a terrible story for what could have been a real apology. Hold your breath
The gas is clouding the air It will choke you Leaving you gasping for air When all there is nitrogen It gives you three minutes To determine what your life was worth Flash back on your purpose Step by step You’ll figure out The purpose of life In those three minutes I’m so terribly sorry It had to end this way But those three minutes Are essential to death. Average
we’re all just numbers very few are what they call average some are below others are above we don’t know where we stand we’re stuck not knowing but to the people above our chosen names don’t matter neither do our legal names we’re just seem as numbers and that isn’t fine we’re defined by our past even if we changed juvenial delinquency haunts you for anyone who isn’t a white male and it’s wrong I know but can we really blame them how else are they supposed to know us our thoughts and opinions are not on those transcripts of our lives at least not the ones that matter we’re devoid of depth trust me no one likes just beings numbers on a paper. No one judges you
When they can’t see you Don’t know what you do Because there is nothing to judge That’s why inspiration Explodes at night Why our emotions Come out Tears Laughter Stomach aches For at night we know That we can feel We know we’re safe It used to be Before light bulbs That the night Was terrifying People died People disappeared In the dark Where we couldn’t see Now we can say Outloud at night Who we are Reassure ourselves For if we can say it Outloud It’s true I dare you That when you feel empty And everyone is asleep Reassure yourself out loud Of who you are If not to make you feel better Just to feel the truth Roll off your tongue It’s worth it. |
Mavry PottsPosts every Monday and/or Wednesday Archives
December 2017
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