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Mavry Potts

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We are Monsters

12/28/2017

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There is beauty
In life
In people
In everything
Yet then we cloud it
We blur it
We let others believe they’re ugly
We don’t help those
Whose brain is working against them
We tell them it’s a choice.

Then we deal with our own monsters
Telling ourselves
It is a choice
That we don’t need help
That we can defeat the monsters
On our own.

We tell them it’s a choice
Because we are telling ourselves
The same thing.

Our anxiety is because we didn’t prepare.

Our depression is just today.

Our flashbacks
Are because we have a good memory.

Those voices
Are because society is pressuring us.

And that’s true
Yes
But maybe
Just possibly
There is something else at play
Maybe we should ask for help
Tell others to ask for help
Because we aren’t that different
We didn’t make the choice
To feel like this.

And yeah it’s not entirely up to us
To ask for help
Yet that one day
When you’re feeling a little better
Take advantage.

Speak up.

Because one voice
Sparks millions of fires
Bring millions into the light
To realize that they aren’t alone.

If you’re in the public eye.

Or you’re just sitting in a corner.

Maybe that one day
You feel a little better
Tell someone.

Because life is not meant to end
At our own hands.

It might feel like it is
But I can promise you it isn’t.
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I cannot lie

12/25/2017

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I feel it too often
An overpowering feeling
Whenever I feel off
Or uncomfortable
My brain resets.


I wish I didn't feel it
I wish I could control it
Because it hurts me
I wouldn't want anyone to know
That I feel it.


It's embarrassing
It's something I shouldn't feel
Something I should have controlled
I can't be a bad example
I must be pure.


Yet sometimes
I want to kiss someone
Someone I barely know
Just someone
No reasonable reason.


I want to feel what it's like
To have someone's lips
Pressed against mine
I've never had the chance
And I want it.


I want to know why
Why people want it
Why people want someone by their side
and maybe
I want someone by my side too.


Yet I told them
I didn't want that
I told them
I wanted to be alone
And they didn't disagree.


They told me
That they do not believe in marriage
Between a man and a man
A woman and a woman
And I died inside.


So I never told them
The truth
Never told them
I wanted to get married
Too.


So I must resist it
When I want to kiss someone
When I want to be kissed
Because I don't lie
I cannot lie.


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Stuck in the Position of a Background Character

12/6/2017

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I question everything
Like what she would think
If she found this
Would she know
That it was about her
Would she think me insane
Would she not care
Would she love it
Would she think less of me
Would she think more of me
Would this change anything
I do this to keep calm
I know it will be okay
If I can keep writing
Is the world really over
Was my chance blown
I don’t believe I friend-zoned myself
I tried to avoid that
I just put myself in that section
The one where
You put everyone
You don’t know about
I made sure
I was an unknown variable
A background character
Who becomes a main character
Someone everyone wonders
Who are they?
What is their purpose?
I want to serve a purpose
I want to sweep her off her feet
To be there
Whenever
I want to be the hero
Or just there
I want to be somewhere to feel safe
I want to be safety
Is that too much to ask?
Am I just dreaming up fantasies?
I have no future
Do I?
I can not be there for her
If she won’t even talk to me
That is a problem
I’m just a background character
I won’t be remembered.
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Persistent

12/4/2017

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I’m still stuck
Still stuck
Trapped waiting for her
Why doesn’t she recognize me
I just want a response
That’s all I’m requesting
Is that too much?
I don't get this world
It doesn't make sense
Everything I do
Comes back to me
Why doesn't anyone realize
I'm helpless
I can't defend myself
From the walls I've built
They're closing in
I'm expanding
Eventually we'll collide
It's inevitable
A persistent fear
And I'm terrified.


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You Got This

12/1/2017

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Breatheeee
Breathee
You got this
Stuck in a loop
An endless loop
You won’t let it continue
Got to stop it now
Because it does get worse
And that is normal
You had to let it
Short spurts of happiness
Long lengths of sadness
It is worth it
I promise
The short spurts
The feeling might not last
But they feel good
They make you feel good
They make your happiness explode
They make you happy
That is their purpose
So let the sadness last
Eventually it will end
Someday
Someday there will be a long time period
In which
You
Will be happy
For a long long time
In this time there will be short spurts
Of sadness
Pain
Anger
These are good
These are expected
You can’t collapse during these
You have to remember
The long period of sadness
That preceded all of this
You can deal with short spurts
If you remember
It will get better
If you work at it
Till then you have to deal with the sadness
You have to deal with the long lengths
Where you question why you’re doing this
You will have your happiness
And that you must never forget.
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I’m the One Causing the Problem

11/22/2017

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Am I getting better
I feel as if I’m not
You’re dragging me under.

There is no where for me to go
I’m stuck in your knots
Why are you still here?

You won’t respond
I’m rooted to this spot
I can’t proceed in this journey.

I just need a response
To release me from these roots
All entangled around me.

But you don’t know that
You can’t here my riot
My battle cries were muted.

I’m stuck rhyming
Hoping this will help my shot
But all it does is cause me pain.

You said you’d help me
That’s what I bought
But they were empty words.

Yet I know
The words I jot
Are make believe.

The only problem is the one
That got caught
Me.
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I’m freaking out

11/21/2017

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I’m only supposed to post once a day
But I cannot sit around
While my emotions play
They’re tearing me apart
Why is this happening to me
The last time I felt this way
It was over a boy
I shouldn’t talk to my crushes
I should have learned my lesson
Don’t try to be friends with them
It causes me pain
Because I’m faking it
I still have seven hours left
Before I turn it back on again
What if she didn’t see my story
What if she responded
What if she is freaking out
Why am I freaking out?
Calm down Mavry
It will be okay
She probably has a forgotten about you
You’re just a random girl
That she’s barely seen in life
She doesn’t know who you are
And I doubt she cares
You’re freaking out for no reason
You’re the one with the crush
She’s just some girl
That’s three hours away.


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Had the Guts

11/21/2017

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I just went dark because of this girl
I’m stressing out so much
That I didn’t trust myself
Every single thought
Was devoted to one thing
Checking if she had seen my message
And my brain wanted to know
When she’d reply
This is obsessive
Is this how some people feel all the time
Like they’re constantly trying
To gain approval
From someone who doesn’t know
They need to give approval
It makes me feel terrible
My stomach is knotting up
And I’m hot so hot
I woke up early without a hitch
And grabbed my phone to check it
But I went dark
Deleted all the apps
To keep me from trying
From doing something stupid
Why does a beautiful girl do this
Why does she turn my brain to mush
Why can’t I control this
And she doesn’t know
That’s the worst part
She doesn’t know that I think of her this way
She sees me as just some girl
Asking for tips
Because I was too scared to say
You’re cute
Maybe if I had the guts
I could say it right now
But I went dark
And I definitely do not have the guts
So that’s it.
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Brains over Beauty

11/21/2017

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​I don’t care what she says
Or if she didn’t even reply
I’ll be fine
She doesn’t matter
Brains over beauty
Brains over beauty

Read More
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Three Hours Away

11/20/2017

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My heart is not agreeing
With the words my hands are typing
And I want to tell you
How I feel
But anxiety is taking over
You’re scaring I promise
My brain will not comprehend
What is going on
I sent a message
You responded
I sent another
You did not
I freaked out
Stopped listening to logic
And sent one more
An hour ago
You have yet to respond
My brain doesn’t know what to do
Your cuteness is causing me pain
I don’t suddenly care about the
Three hour drive
Because all I want is to talk to you
But what if you aren’t single
What if you’re straight
What if my brain is lying
And this is all a cruel trick
And I’m confused
So confused
By this mess inside my head
You’re beauty is causing me problems
Too many problems
And because of it
I accidentally came out
To everyone
Because I want to kiss you
I want to hug you
I want to be there for you
And I barely know you
I have a problem
It’s clear as day
And that problem just happens
To be three hours away.
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Escape

11/1/2017

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Escape is part of life
Falling out of a cage
Maybe gracefully
Maybe crashing like a meteor
There is no way to tell
How you might fall out
The people who seem the most clumsy
May fall out with grace
While the dancers and gymnasts
May fall flat on their face
However you may land
You must have the courage to see
That everyone is different
And that everyone falls out
Maybe not immediately
It happens to all
But never the same.
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Early in the Morning

10/30/2017

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Early in the morning
the bird sings
to all the lost bees in the tress
and early in the morning
the child awakes
for there and then they must frolick
and early in the morning
the mother rests
unless of course the child is restless
and early in the morning
the sea breeze
picks up and blows us all away
and early in the morning
the world awakes
to the start of the working day
and early in the morning
the person screams
and awakes all who weren’t awake
and early in the morning
the police arrive
and find the dead body of Mr. Fry
and early in the morning
the stench of blood
haunts Mabel Road till the dawn of time
because early in the morning
Mr. Fry had died
with his son viewing him as unfit
because one late afternoon
Mr. Fry was sitting
And he looked at his son with hatred
for earlier that morning
the son had told
his father that he found a man.

Yet despite what you may have thought
the son did not kill Mr. Fry
Mr. Fry fell down his stairs
and landed brutally on the bottom
his son was at the door
for Mr. Fry had finally accepted his son
what a terrible story
for what could have been a real apology.
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Three Minutes

10/16/2017

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Hold your breath
The gas is clouding the air
It will choke you
Leaving you gasping for air
When all there is nitrogen
It gives you three minutes
To determine what your life was worth
Flash back on your purpose
Step by step
You’ll figure out
The purpose of life
In those three minutes
I’m so terribly sorry
It had to end this way
But those three minutes
Are essential to death.
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Numbers on a Paper

10/2/2017

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Average
we’re all just numbers
very few are what they call average
some are below
others are above
we don’t know where we stand
we’re stuck not knowing
but to the people above
our chosen names don’t matter
neither do our legal names
we’re just seem as numbers
and that isn’t fine
we’re defined by our past
even if we changed
juvenial delinquency haunts you
for anyone who isn’t a white male
and it’s wrong I know
but can we really blame them
how else are they supposed to know us
our thoughts and opinions
are not on those transcripts of our lives
at least not the ones that matter
we’re devoid of depth
trust me no one likes
just beings numbers on a paper.
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Night

9/20/2017

 
No one judges you
When they can’t see you
Don’t know what you do
Because there is nothing to judge
That’s why inspiration
Explodes at night
Why our emotions
Come out
Tears
Laughter
Stomach aches
For at night we know
That we can feel
We know we’re safe
It used to be
Before light bulbs
That the night
Was terrifying
People died
People disappeared
In the dark
Where we couldn’t see
Now we can say
Outloud at night
Who we are
Reassure ourselves
For if we can say it
Outloud
It’s true
I dare you
That when you feel empty
And everyone is asleep
Reassure yourself out loud
Of who you are
If not to make you feel better
Just to feel the truth
Roll off your tongue
It’s worth it.
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    Mavry Potts

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