I felt so happy and giddy when she gave me her number. I felt happy when she complimented the shirt I made. She makes me happy. I want more of this happiness.
You know this morning I tried to go to a GSA meeting. I sat outside of the classroom for a minute, they were all outside. I left. Saw them, the people I knew who were in the club walk past me as I walked away. I felt my heart beating fast as I walked away.
Normal heartbeat 70-80 bpm. I checked my heart beat, 114 bpm. Was this stress? Anticipation? Am I going to be okay? I can breathe.
I’m in the library now. I hear people, they’re talking about GSA. I know those people, I don’t like those people. I leave.
Now. Now I’m thinking I should text her. That I should ask her “How’s your day going?” Should I initiate conversation? Is that weird? I keep thinking. Keep plotting. I keep doubting. Should I text my friend? Ask her what to do? She always seems to know what to do.
Why do girls make me feel this way? I know the answer, yet I keep asking it. Hoping, that maybe, I’ll realize it’s something else. I’m stuck though. Stuck knowing that people will never truly accept me. And is that really that bad? Why do I care what others think? My opinion is the only one that matters.
So I should text her, shouldn’t I? I think I should. So I should. I guess I’ll update you guys later.